Well Alex I have some good news and some bad news....
First the good. Jesus the savior returned and the Second coming IS a reality.
The bad news is he and dad made an ever so slight misjudgement in where and
when. No doubt they thought they had it sussed when they tuned into a Texas
evangelical revival and thought this must be a better chance than that joint in
the Middle east. After all these Americans already claimed to be Christians and
you know what those Jewish folks did last time. Already a captive audience
devoted to junior and the perfect place to start or so it appeared.
So JC picked up his travel kit on Friday and Dad promptly despatched him to
Midland, Tx do do his thing. First small hiccup was the arrival location which
happened to be the middle of the highway when a big rig just about flattened
the newbie. "Holy s.....moke" cried Junior as he did a somersault into an oil
"A minor problem dad" he reported to dad. "Completely unforseen".
Dad went off to attend to some other problems elsewhere in the Universe. "I
need more help" he complained.
Soon after that JC really ran out of luck.
Walking down the highway in his State of the art 0000AD clothing he was soon
noticed by "Dubya" and "Jeb".
"Whaddya reckon, could be some A....rab Russki Hebe" asked Jeb?
"Dam tooting bro" confirmed Dubya.
"Lets makis dudee welcom Taxas stile" as he pulled out his whip which he had
bought after dad had beaten him senseless after going "manno to manno" last
"Hey you dere, youall jest turn in go beck to where you wus" instructed Dubya.
Jesus looked at him strangely and opened his phrase book. "H'mmm" he said as he
scratched his head.
"Parlez vous Francais" he asked?
"Huh" exclaimed both Jeb and Dubya.
"Sprechen sie Deutsch"? enquired Jesus.
"Friggen fureiners" said Jeb. "Why they donnot speka de Inglish likus
They moved toward JC and Dubya started to make menacing movements toward Jesus
with his whip.
"Hey peace brother" cried Jesus "I came to save you from evil and make men love
"Holy shite" cried Dubya "we have a pirvet quirre commie horosixual here and no
dout a Dimocratt too and we knose howta deall to dose". Running back to the car
he collected his trusty genuine AK47 replica "full auto" with 500 metre
sniperscope, nite sun illumination, compete with stand and giveay free ammoo
bag the real deal red hot shot special from Joes Gun shoppe.
Boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom
boom boom boom booom boom boom boom boom boom and the lefty was vulture bait.
JC was was not actually hit by any bullets from the 25 round magazine unlike
four other people on the road nearby but the surprise gave him a heart attack
that killed him, having been seriously affected by post traumatic stress
syndrome from his unfortunate experience in Israel.
Jeb and dubya looked around and saw there was no witnesses. All the people
around nodded with approval and got back in their All American SUVs.
"Lets puttim in da barn fur now" said Jeb who was the intellectual of the two.
"Wekin plantim later"
So they drove off to to their secret spot which happened to be a disused barn
on their dad's ranch where they spent their weekends after commuting from
Boston where they attended College majoring in Business fraud and debauchery.
They laid him down on their slightly moistened collection of Playboys,
Penthouses and Hustlers and went out to as they put it "get laden" (No not
Having had a "good" weekend during which both had "scored" successfully by
having masturbated three times each, and then having attended Church during
which they had been lectured by the preacher on being "good" or else they would
burn in hell along with everyone else not from Texas they returned to the barn
to clean up the evidence.
Unlocking the only door the shocked pair looked at each other. "Whereheat"
asked Dubya? "Hegonin walk out"? They checked the windows and all of these were
intact. There were no diggings on the floor and no damage to the walls or roof.
Looking down they could see a strange imprint of a body of a man lying on the
pile of smutty magazines. When they had left JC his head had evidently rested
between the overly large artificial mammaries of Miss July 1973.
"Hey dis remins meof dat eytailan blankit" said Jeb, "yuuno what Jesus was
puttin after he got the needle. Weeird stuff lets burn this now"
"Duz we haftuh" asked Dubya "I'm reallee kinda partial to Miz July"
"Weed betta" said Jeb "remumber last time yuz got cortt with dutty pitures, yer
ass was red furra month!"
So they burned the magazines, the last and only evidence of JC's 2nd visit.
Now for the bad news Alex. God is just a bit pissed that he had to "restore"
Jesus again, I mean reformatting a terabit individual is a BIG job and this was
the second time. Also Jesus says he is not going to help God out until he
receives protection and a better package and membership of a Union.
No chance of a threepeat now of course. God has sent a "virus", a 30 mile
across comet at a velocity of 400,000 kph guaranteed to fix Midland and all
neighbouring areas for "sometime", as God put it "I'm too busy to put up with
I suggest you avoid the CAF Airsho for a while......