What Type Of Flight Simmer Are You?

By Robert F. Barber (7 June 2005)

In an effort to answer that question, I’ve taken a few strolls along the web, dropping by all manner of forums. One of the first, and perhaps most obvious, is the elevated level of communication and cooperation we all enjoy. The occasional flame and display by those vulgarians out there do crop up now and again, but the frequency at sites other than those devoted to flight simulation is alarmingly high, comparatively. Spend a little time at the sites devoted to, for example, the teenage set (by a show of hands, how many of us really wish to participate in a competition whose aim is to steal automobiles and kill strangers?). Would you like a lesson in the latest form of poor taste and viscidity? Visit the forums of those monstrosities that pass for games that are being hawked nowadays. I suspect you will be shocked. Eclectic forms of gratification? No worries. They’ll be described in aching detail in between posts of the latest cheats.

So, looking out amongst the crowd, I’m not seeing too many empty seats. Not very many of you have tottered off to find some of these sites. There, in a nutshell, is what is to be found among the flight simulator enthusiasts. At least while we’re wearing our scarves, goggles and leather helmets, we’re a fairly sedate bunch. We care about our hobby, and oddly enough, mostly care about creating or enhancing that devotion in pretty much anyone who will listen to us go on about our latest gem of a freeware or must-have add-on. And we do it in a way that will not make a sailor blush.

Something else I’ve noticed is the level of group support that we enjoy. When we come across a post of some unfortunate who has inadvertently blown up his cfg file, you will universally find several follow-up posts offering solace as well as tech support. Elsewhere, one is just as likely to have his heritage questioned for having been sufficiently ignorant to have pulled off such a bonehead move. Sure, the poor individual who is lamenting having hit “OK” when he/she should have been, say, playing baseball will eventually get an answer (likely by a closet flightsim freak), but not without first having to endure all manner of compliments regarding his computing skills and sexual preferences.

So, knowing what we are not, what exactly are we? More particularly, what type of flight simmer are you? I’m not talking about physical dimensions here (I happen to be of the tall, muscular and spectacularly good-looking variety)(yeah, right, wanna buy a bridge?). What we’re looking at here is, where exactly is your head and heart when it comes to flight simming?

I love flight sim. Can’t really explain it. There are days that the attraction is cruising the forums to see what some devilishly clever hacker has managed to do in order to manipulate the program into something better than it was. Then I have days (well, sometimes weeks) when it’s all I can do to keep myself from staying up later than is good for me, just to finish a turn-around from New York to West Palm Beach and back. And, most frustratingly, there are stretches during which all I want to do is tinker with the program, start a flight to see if my meddling has helped or hurt, and then close down the sim and start meddling again.

Have you ever purchased an add-on, used it once or twice, decided it is really cool, and then let it sit unused? I’ve had the PMDG 737NG series on my machine for longer than I can recall, and it’s only recently that I’ve managed to learn to fly them correctly. I must have more than 1,000 pages spread out between 7 or 8 binders, all labeled and lovingly highlighted, and filled with the minutiae of flying the beasts. And, no kidding, it takes going through most of those pages to do it the right way.

Having devoted the kind of time required to master a sim such as the 737, there are those devotees who actually look down their nose at the great unwashed masses who have the temerity to express a devotion to the default 737 (or any other default aircraft, for that matter), and post such in the forums. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve suggested to these individuals in a reply, whom I refer to as FSSnobs, to take a trip to some forum used by the “real world” FLUF (Fat little ugly fellows – really, that’s a name lovingly given to the 737’s) drivers, and see how they react to some sim pilot who tells them he drives the flight sim aircraft just like they do the real thing. Can you say “Tail between the legs walking out slowly”? Hey, I can drive the 737NG, but lemme tell you, it takes effort. There are just some times that I will fly only the default iron, just for the sheer joy of flying without the angst of an overhead panel leering at me with blinking lights demanding my attention.

Oh man, have I got my work cut out for me. Just printed more than 400 pages of manual for a turbo prop that I’ve had for months. I may be called upon to do some beta work for a product for the aircraft, and I think it will behoove me to learn how to fly the darn thing before I start, don’t you? I guess that, at heart, I am a default kind of sim pilot. I’d like to have a few more options added to the default 737, such as an operational APU and at least a partially functional overhead panel (listening, Microsoft?). But when you get right down to it, I like to take off and I like to land. Whether by hand or by auto system, getting the rubber to squeal without bending anything is fun. There are times when there is a tremendous amount of satisfaction having done so with the knowledge gained from hours of study and practice. But more often than not, the simplicity of the default craft fulfills my needs just fine.

I’m getting a real kick out of the simulations of aircraft that are sort of halfway to being complex. There is a Beech 1900 and an A320 out there, somewhat dumbed-down from the “Big Boys” that have PIC in front of their names. This is another version of my sad affliction to our hobby. Have you ever seen the movie Tombstone? The way those guys could draw their pistols and fire in the blink of an eye is awesome. Well, that’s how I approach add-ons. It takes very little incentive for me, and then in a flash, that charge card is out and the numbers typed faster than you can say “debtor’s prison”. Heck, I don’t even need my card anymore. I’ve got the numbers memorized (another show of hands, how many of you can say that?) How sick is this: I’ve actually purchased a small add-on, which I did want anyway, just to see if I still remembered the number. Sick, sick, sick. But, I do have lots of really cool add-ons!

So, I’m a devoted flight sim fanatic. I follow, and occasionally contribute to, the forums. On those rare occasions when someone asks a question that I can answer, I’m the first to post a reply. Nothing is better (well, actually, the better list is pretty long, but not appropriate for this venue), than having someone say “Thanks” when you’ve helped them solve a problem. I spend lots of time doing beta work. I write the occasional article and review. I spend an obscene amount of hard-earned cash for enhancements, some that I use regularly, and some that have to sit and mature before I’ll get to them. There are times that I’ll fly, and times that I’ll tinker. And, there are times that (this is gonna kill you) I’ll go play the first person shoot-em-up online (I’m wicked good at this one Vietnam-era game… look for the character named XinLoi. He’ll be the one who just got you).

The bottom line is, I’m a flight sim fanatic who wants to give something back to the hobby that has given me so much. Being one who is unable to do everything that I’d like to do, this sim is a lifesaver. Couple that with the fact that I’m absolutely terrified of real air travel, and it’s small wonder that I’m here now typing away, and not on some beach with a cool drink with a neat little umbrella in it. I’m one who will defend you in the forums if you’re right, or if you’re wrong but are decent about it. I’m also one who will suffer the foolish only so far, and then post a reply that will hopefully encourage the offending poster to move along.

So, what type of flight simmer are you? Does it really matter? To the extent that it affects your interaction with other flight simmers, I believe it does. Flight simulation is just a game. And, of course, life is just a game, too. No?

Three Green!

Chip Barber
rfbarber@optonline.net

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