You don't believe me? Then let me share with you a couple of theories that I have developed on the "psychology of simming". It's a convoluted analogy, but if you bear with me, the link between flying (simulated or otherwise) and sex will become blindingly obvious. In addition, I'll confess to you some of my most embarrassing mistakes . In the end, you just may gain a new insight into the growing popularity of this engrossing and addictive hobby.

It begins like this:

Theory 1:
THE DRIVING SEAT IS A WINDOW INTO THE WORKINGS OF THE MIND

I have long held the view that you can accurately gauge a person's current state of mind if you allow them to drive you around in a car. All of a person's character traits are revealed and often magnified during this apparently simple daily activity. Dithering indecisiveness can be just as dangerous as selfish impatience. Indeed, emotional preoccupation of the mind can skew the outlook of the driver, and ultimately take their mind off what they're doing.

If you are in general agreement with this first theory, then just imagine the implications of INCOMPLETE FOCUS on somebody who is piloting an aircraft.

As an example, I'll tell you about my friend Des (not his real name). His real name is Derek Parks. Many years ago when his military flying training was at its most intense, his mind was preoccupied with thoughts of marriage. (Should I or shouldn't I?) One day, while performing a flying exercise at slightly below tree top level, he looked around and thought "Gee, I wish Katie could see this". It was only a momentary diversion, but when he looked forward again he saw the trees ahead looming fast. He needed to act decisively...Let's leave him there for a moment because this brings us to:

Theory 2:
COMPLETE FOCUS = TOTAL SATISFACTION

Imagine now that you're engaged in some vigorous bedroom activity with someone very special. (To protect the sensibilities of any youngsters who may read this, I will encrypt the following text with aviation euphemisms.) OK now, your cruise and descent were normal. You've been cleared to land and you're on "short final". You have the threshold in sight and she cries out "fifty feet". But you suddenly realize that you left your mobile phone switched on. What if somebody calls? Right now! What if it's your wife? YOU ARE NO LONGER FOCUSSED. It's during the last few moments of your "flight" that everything needs to come together to achieve total satisfaction.

Severe distractions can spell disaster. Flightsimmers can, of course, execute a missed approach, but in the bedroom, the consequences are more immediate. (An uncommanded gear retraction is not unheard of.) And the FAA (your lover) can be very unforgiving.

The problem that many of us flight simmers have is trying to set aside sufficient time to truly indulge ourselves. I know that when I try to "squeeze in" a bit more flying before:

A) It's time to start cooking dinner or
B) It's time to pick up my daughter from violin practice or
C) I have to visit my parole officer
Only then am I more likely to make some mistake which will spoil the fun and subsequently detract from my goal of total satisfaction. (In other words crash & die.)

In past lives I have initiated catastrophic events in the following ways:

An unusually long takeoff run alerted me to the fact that something was seriously amiss. So of course I took off anyway and failed to clear some airport buildings. (I hadn't noticed during my start-up checks that the spoilers were deployed.)

While descending, I decided that it was time to reset the heading bug to align with the runway. (Instead, I mistakenly reset the NAV 1 course with the Nav hold switched on)

Two miles from touchdown, at 150 kts, I hit F8 to fully extend the flaps. (But I mistakenly hit F1 and shut down the throttles).

All these and many more! You can bet that each of these unmitigated flightsimming disasters was proceeded by some trifling domestic chore suddenly looming larger in my mind than the superbly liberating task of flying my imaginary plane.

Of course, when the distractions of the real world start to crowd in, it's time to shut down and pick up later from where I left off. I know that - we all know that, but it's hard to stop when we're having so much fun.

Now before I forget, let's go back to my friend Derek (a.k.a. Des). Well, he cleared the trees, married Katie and concentrated on his career. He's never had a crash, and achieved the rank of Captain at a very early age.

I love happy endings. Speaking of which, I'm about to start my descent into Denpasar in a Garuda MD-11. A check of local conditions tells me that there is a 12 knot westerly blowing with broken cloud and ten miles of visibility. Should be easy. But I've just remembered that I haven't taken out the trash...some people never learn.

Bill Smith, Western Australia
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