But to address the amiss...I've discovered, much to my chagrin, that I've got too many add-on aircraft. I fired up FS2004 last night, and do you know what I did? I hopped into the left seat of my beloved default 737, and had a perfectly lovely flight from KMIA to KDAB. This is one of my favorites, as I follow the coast of Eastern Florida and enjoy that fabulous FREEflow Florida scenery. Now, for those of you on chronic pain medication (and I know most of you, being a charter member of the Club for the Perpetually Fuzzy), you may have missed the point. I flew the DEFAULT 737 (with all of my nifty little cockpit tweaks and spiffy paint job).

Ain't she a beauty? Carry this picture in my wallet...(search for GREG737.ZIP)

Well, now, let's see. I decided, not long ago, to really focus on one of my super sims. As I had received an early copy of the FS2Crew for the Flight1 ATR, this was the obvious choice. So, I hoisted the manuals from the shelf, removed the dust, and set about learning both programs together. Each program is a credit to the developer(s) in both scope and detail. The immersion factor is tremendous. What was more tremendous was the headache I developed after about two hours of unrelenting effort.

You know, I think it may just be me. Here I've got one of, if not the, best turboprop sims ever produced, coupled seamlessly with what has to be the finest and most innovative cockpit management program ever written. And then there's me, with pictures and charts scotch taped to the walls and computer table. After two hours, I was able to get an engine started following more or less (somewhat less than more) "real world" procedures (apologies to that ground technician who will now likely be referred to as "Lefty"). This included such oddities as the prop brake. I'm still scratching my head over that one.

But anyway, we've got one turning. I'm now faced with the task of doing it again, to say nothing of entering all necessary data into the FMC and other such trivialities as speed bugs, flaps and other non-essentials. So, after two hours, I'm sitting in an aircraft with a bunch of really pissed-off passengers, flight attendants who are drumming their fingers on the back of my seat, and ground crew that I think are telling me that I'm "number one", but for what, I have no clue. I thought they used the first finger for that, but it may be a regional thing. So with all this happening, and me reaching for the Percocet this time as the Excedrin just isn't cutting it, I come to the realization that this super sim of mine is going to have to be moved back to the "On Deck" circle for just a wee bit longer.

Well, I imagine you know what happened next. In comes the ERJ. What a piece of work! The FMC is not quite as complicated (I thought), it doesn't have the prop brakes (which I still haven't figured out), it's a regional jet that is just perfect for my short hops, and it's darn cute to look at. Hoist, dust and tape. Let's make this easy and cut to the chase, shall we? Frustration - Percocet..realization..."On Deck."

Enter the latest and greatest Mad Dog! Now, the hook here (pay attention to the 'hook' term, as you'll see it again) is the on-screen tutorials. Man, this baby has got it all! Step by step Procedures For Dummies, right there on the screen, whose sole purpose is to help the helpless go from wheels down in one place, to wheels down in another. I think I'm becoming addicted to Percocet.

Why is it that I find myself unable to grasp the functioning of the super sims? I am a stubborn old bastard, as anyone who knows me will happily relate. I start 'em from cold and dark. Period. If pilots were meant to enter the cockpit with the engines running, there would be no shut down procedures, right? Imagine doing a preflight walk around with the engines turning? Go through a lot of First Officers that way, to say nothing of the icky jet-wash marks and the disgruntled ground crew assigned scrub duty (who's the one-armed guy? Bet his name is Lefty!). So, when I get the urge to fly, and this urge happens to coincide with free time, I'm going to find myself spending said free time reading/following manuals and checklists for whatever time I've got available? Brothers and Sisters, that 'aint flyin', that's flightsim foreplay! And when I once again happen to run out of said time before I get to the whole point of the exercise, is it any wonder all my manuals are dusty? Thanks, but I don't need another flightsim frustration zit!

So, I'm coming to believe that the super sims, while delightful to look at and with wondrous manuals to print and pretend I'll read one day, are just out of my league. Kudos to you guys and gals who buy these marvels and then actually fly them. My hat is off to you who follow procedures, flows and checklists for each phase of flight, and manage to squeal rubber on the centerline. I'm swearing off of these beastly banes of my existence, as when I want to fly, I want to fly. So that's it. No more super sims.

Of course, that PIC 737 (I do love the FLUF's) is due out any day now. Honey, would you get me a Percocet?

Three Green!

Chip Barber
rfbarber@optonline.net