Anyway, Bob and I were discussing traveling, and he happened to mention his opportunity to sit in the jump seat of an Airbus flight deck. He chuckled and related as to how once airborne, the pilots sat back and read aviation magazines. "They would occasionally talk to someone on the radio, turn a few dials on the dashboard, then go back to reading!" I told him there are basically two buttons in an Airbus cockpit: Up and Down.

It was then that one of those defining moments took place. You know, ones like the first time the puppy uses the paper rather than the carpet, or like when you first realized that the opposite sex likes it as much as you do. Important stuff! I began to explain to Bob the differences in the throttles of the Airbus and Boeing jets, and how Airbus has gates whereas Boeing is just your basic minimum to maximum throttle. And, how with the Airbus, the pilot after climb out and when directed to do so by the flight computer sets the throttle in a lower gate, and there it stays until it's time to flare/reverse, with the flight computer having all the fun.

Simple stuff. FS101. Something anyone with a default Boeing and any decent Airbus add-on would know. Bob sort of looked at me funny and asked me know I know so much about it... and like any good puppy, I pee'd on the paper. Well, figuratively speaking, anyway.

You see, it never dawned on me that this little piece of esoterica could be unknown to someone, particularly someone who had been sufficiently blessed to sit in a jump seat! How many of you would give your left ... well, you know what I mean ... to fly from Dublin to Kennedy on the flight deck? I would gladly assume the moniker of "Short Jock" or be known to the world as one who fires with one blank cylinder for that opportunity!

And, more to the point, it really struck me that this information which I have crammed into this ever-diminishing space between my ears isn't something that others take for granted, as I do. Show of hands: How many of you didn't know about the funky throttle operation of an Airbus product? See? Perhaps five of you, and three of you appear to have just discovered that your opposites are just as into it as you are. Now if you'd please stop that, we may proceed...

In my vocation, I need an awful lot of specific knowledge. Medical terms, surgical procedures, expected recovery time, acceptable complications, the list is long. Those of us who've been working for a while actually know more about, say, orthopedics than an obstetrician, or more about neurosurgery than a dermatologist. Not that we set out as this as a goal. My background was as a paramedic, and I sort of lucked into this field. My grandfather was a surgeon, my sister is a doc specializing in geriatrics. So, I suppose "medicine" runs in my blood (along with some particularly impressive levels of narcotic analgesia, but like anything else, the thrill wears off after a while).

There must be a point here somewhere. Oh yes, I remember. The point is, I must often sit with physicians in multiple specialties and be able to discuss the medical issues of a particular lawsuit in an intelligent and insightful manner, knowing the applicable medicine and where things allegedly went wrong. I have yet to meet another FSSicko who does what I do, and if there're any docs out there who like to drop the knife in the evenings in favor of a yoke, they've not told me about it. But, I found that not only can I talk medicine, I can talk pilot!

Now, I do not claim to have any significant degree of knowledge. Just enough to have piqued the interest of Bob. I told him about the throttle differences, and he was interested. Had we the time, we would have continued and I would have gleefully responded to any questions he may have had about piloting, navigation, air traffic control and the like. This stuff I take for granted. I use it daily during my jaunts in the e-ether. It's important, within my small sphere, and useful. And now that I've been at it a while, I no longer have to think about V speeds in my favorite birds, or slat/flap retraction schedules.

Of course, like any good trial attorney, Bob may have been feigning interest and yawning behind his hand. After all, how many non-pilots concern themselves with throttle gates and V speeds? I don't imagine very many people even care that to firewall the throttles on takeoff is not a good idea, especially when the little white numbers turn red and herald the impending engine rebuild. Esoteric knowledge, by its very definition, tends to be user-specific, and if you're not dependent upon it, there's a ton of other stuff to keep packed in the gray matter. For instance, I've tried on many occasions to develop a taste for opera. Can't do it. Sounds to me like cats in heat.

And another thing. I have been recently challenged by a reader to do a piece on the FSWidows and FSWidowers. Those intrepid Bosses/Bossettes who stand behind us while we wax poetic using all sorts of cool pilot language, trying to sound terribly bored while discussing the merits of CAT II and CAT III landings. Well, here's to you all.

Let us stop for a moment and consider this. Imagine yourself at, say, a dental convention. Imagine having to stand with your spouse or significant other, or just some stranger that you picked up for whatever the reason. The talk revolves around teeth, gums, Novocain, extractions, and drilling into living tissue. Yikes! Aside from, for me anyway, being exceptionally gross to contemplate, I truly can envision my eyes crossing after very little time. Like trying to watch a dog have puppies, if you're not really into it, the entire process leaves you feeling like you'd rather be anywhere, doing anything, other than where you currently have your attention. But, being the supportive spouse, friend, lover or whatever, you trudge on like a good soldier.

This, my fellow FSPilots, is the lot of our better halves. Now, I continue to get the "um hmm's" and "that's nice, dear" when I attempt to impress my family with my accomplishments, but there they sit, in support of "the old man" who spends an excess of time and money fiddling with his computer.

I'm beginning to suspect that they really have no true interest in my hobby. I fail to understand how anyone in their right mind could not be entirely fascinated by several tons of metal and aviation fuel coming together and causing flight. Having the ability to command a fire breathing dragon and getting it to take me where I wish to go is cause for celebration. Apparently, for most other people in the world, this is not the case. Boggles the mind, but there it is.

Cheers to those unfortunates who not only couldn't care less about aviation in general and flight simulation in particular, but must tolerate those of us who remain star-struck by our latest purchase. Kudos to the family and friends who feign enthusiasm as we perpetual gush about our ability to control our birds, and who stand (more or less) mutely by as we once again type in our 16 numbers in order to pick up our latest "must have" add-on. To you all, we say "We who are about to buy salute you!"

And oh yes, I've got this pamphlet I've printed containing all manner of aviation terms and definitions. I'd like you to peruse it at your leisure, and by no later than this weekend I'd like to have you up to speed so that we may converse intelligently on the subject. I'm damned if I can find any other way to get anyone to appreciate my esoteric knowledge!

Three Green!

Chip Barber
rfbarber2@verizon.net