As one would anticipate, the closer the event, the, oh how to put this diplomatically, the greater the anticipation of the blushing bride. And, I believe, it was this teeth-grinding level of anticipation that caused her to express her dissatisfaction with some ribbon, which according to her, was "celery, not sage." Having explained this scenario to St. Peter at the Pearly Gates, I suspect he'd let my stepping in front of that bus slide, and I'd be granted entrance despite the suicide.

It's the little things. Did you know that celery and sage are shades of green? If you did, stop reading, go put on your Richard Simmons exercise tapes and be happy. If like me, you were totally clueless as to this particular aspect of color gradient and shading, good for you. Let's grab that case of Molson and party!

I figure it should be about this time that you are asking yourself, "What has this got to do with flight simulation?" Good question. Go to the forum. Any forum dealing with flight simulation. Check out the posts with headings that sound something like "I really like your plane, but..." or "I really love the scenery, but...". It seems to me that there are some of us out there who have gone just a tad buzzy on this whole perspective thing.

Let's take, for example, the PIC 737. Now, I'm paraphrasing here in an effort to avoid direct quotes that may be traced back to the author, with resultant litigation and me hocking my computer to pay legal fees. There have been posts in which the author laments the fact that the blue of the Southwest colors is just slightly off. Just a wee bit too ... blue? Maybe a little periwinkle sprinkled onto the engine casings, perhaps? It's as if this hue problem renders the entire flight sim experience unpalatable.

There may often be seen individuals who, and I swear this is true, actually count the windows on the side of the aircraft, and will post ad nauseum as to how this mathematical miscalculation thoroughly ruins the effect of the bird, and thus renders impotent their ability to drive her (perhaps Viagra blue will help?).

And of course, there are posts in the scenery forums extolling the virtues of certain scenery, if only but for the lack of the correct number of parking spaces in the parking lot! Now, I'll give you the right to bitch about airliner parking spots, for those of you who really feel the need to count grease spots on the concrete. But the parking lot? This, friends and neighbors, is where perspective comes into play.

Be honest, now. How many of you have found yourselves admiring your handiwork in the spot plane view, only to have the moment ruined by hue? How often have you found it necessary to pick another bird, simply because the disparity in the number of openings in the fuselage was more than you could bear? Do you see yourself eschewing certain payware airports with those marvelous moving vehicles, only because you knew in your heart of hearts that there were several hundred sim passengers carrying luggage and enduring a death march, or being forced into public transportation by lack of adequate parking?

I am concerned about the release of FSX. I have tried desperately to avoid reading anything about it. But despite my very best efforts, I have taken a couple of quick peeks at the material that is out there. My concern? The headlights on the highways will all be the same shade of white, while everyone knows that at least one car out of ten will sport those spiffy blue headlamps. The reflections coming from the tarmac in the rain at KISP will not adequately display the correct number of ripples generated either by wind or jet wash. What is with these people?!

It is a perspective thing. Back in the earlier days, weren't we happy with polygons? Were we not driven into euphoria with autopilots, navigation and the holiest of holies, air traffic control? Let's face it, we're sitting pretty right about now. I mean, we've got ATC programs that will direct us into holding patterns, and the FMC which will enable us to fly them. We've got hyper accurate depictions of a dizzying array of aircraft, loaded with procedures that would set Messer's McDonnell and Douglas scrambling for their engineering pencils. We have mesh and scenery that will permit you to find your block, if not your house. And despite this, we're concerned with colors, we're counting windows. It's as if some of us will be disappointed if our eyebrows are not singed by jet exhaust!

We've got it good. Very, very good. And with the release of FSX, who knows just how much better it will be. But one thing I do know. I for one will not be counting windows, or color matching with swaths from Home Depot. I will continue to enjoy every waking minute I spend on and around the flight deck of my bird du jour. I'll continually sing the praises of all the developers who contribute to the creation of our FS world.

And I am never, ever going to eat another stick of celery!

Three Green!

Chip Barber
rfbarber2@verizon.net